THE GRAY BAR HOTEL

Though their accommodations aren't the most comfortable or inviting, the Gray Bar Hotel is located in nearly every town across the nation. They have many advantages over most other hotels, too: Open 24 hours. No need to worry about the check-out time, either. If they're full, no problem, they'll make room for you the best they can. No money, no problem. You can pay in other ways. Food? Lots of it.

I am happy to report that my local GBH has one less cell available to the general public. However, if you feel the need to stay there, they'll make room for you, and at no extra cost.

Today, right in the middle of a Tiger Woods birdie attempt, my phone rings and on the other end is the detective working my case. It turns out they had snagged a guy trying to ply his trade here in town, and they wanted me to take a look at him. It wasn't a line-up like on Law and Order, instead, they came to my house, picked me up and drove me to where they caught the guy. I was to view the suspect through the window of the police car, but after we arrived they let me get out and walk up to him face to face. Not only was it the same guy, the little perp had the exact same clothes on too. I guess crime hasn't been paying too well lately. Times are bad.

So off he goes to our local GBH for an extended stay. Geez, I hope the little bastard gets a room overlooking the "yard" so he can watch the other perps frolicking about.

Put it all on my tab, please. I insist.